Ash Wednesday...reflections of Self

Because I do not hope to turn again

Because I do not hope

Because I do not hope to turn

Desiring this man’s gift and that man’s scope

I no longer strive to strive towards such things

(Why should the aged eagle stretch its wings?)

Why should I mourn

The vanished power of the usual reign?

Because I do not hope to know again

The infirm glory of the positive hour

Because I do not think

Because I know I shall not know

The one veritable transitory power

Because I cannot drink

There, where trees flower, and springs flow, for there

Is nothing again

Because I know that time is always time

And place is always and only place

And what is actual is actual only for one time

And only for one place

I rejoice that things are as they are and

I renounce the blessed face

And renounce the voice

Because I cannot hope to turn again

Consequently I rejoice, having to construct something

Upon which to rejoice

And pray to God to have mercy upon us

And I pray that I may forget

These matters that with myself I too much discuss

Too much explain

Because I do not hope to turn again

Let these words answer

For what is done, not to be done again

May the judgment not be too heavy upon us

Because these wings are no longer wings to fly

But merely vans to beat the air

The air which is now thoroughly small and dry

Smaller and dryer than the will

Teach us to care and to not care

Teach us to sit still

 

Each one of us has our 'Ash Wednesday' moments in life....sometimes in the singular and sometimes plural.In 40 imperious lines the incomparable T S Elliot skimmed off the essence of what we live for.How much value have we created for others?how much space have we given them?And in giving space to others have we created any for ourselves?

 

Somewhere in our everyday actions lies the answer,but we are too busy to try and grasp.I hear talk of working to ones strength,of maintaining a status,self esteem,ego.

 

I dont hear talk of just working upon our weakness,our faults.The education system is in the grip of the "Alpha" image.Do not show your softness or others will take advantage.Do not be nice lest you be mistaken for weakness.

 

Don't you as the reader feel an immense pressure when you wake up in the morning to having to live up to your image?I have seen ruthless bastards cry...so I know that it takes more effort to appear strong than to show your real self with its multiple frailities?

 

I do.

 

In this obsession to create and maintain an image we lose so much of who we really are that we forget the simple pleasures of life,of the minute things in Life that give Joy!!Happiness is not a pursuit.And it never will be.

 

The Celebrities and filmstars are not different but a mere reflection of our own self.Yet we criticise them without bothering to see the man in the mirror.That is deja vu`.

 

In the end the guilt gets some.I do not say that you should share your deepest,darkest fears(though I dont see any harm)but do SHARE.It wont make you  different,yes,it might take a little burden of your conscience!In the cosmic whole of things...our individual existence is of the minutest example.Do you remember what you were doing on this particular day a decade back??And if you are still not convinced,ask your neighbour!!!!Listen to the gist behind the platitudes...and you will find a hollow echo.

 

Trust me YOU WILL NOT LIKE IT!

What is right in my Life?

The other day I was reading an article by the venerable Tony Schwartz,author of 'Be Excellent at Anything' and his contention was that after Superstorm Sandy when Americans had to live without electricity,drinking water and other amenities,he realised the value of each once he had the heater back on!

 

Now in India we live through scarcity almost everyday in a million myriad ways.It makes us fatalists and turn to God because we dont have a psychiatrist to share our angst(India has 1 shrink per 10,00,000 people) and we believe that 'whatever will happen,will happen'.

 

It has been the secret of success of a million Americans,Canadians,British,Australian citizens of Indian descent who left villages without electricity,who could not dream of affording to fly in an aeroplane and some whose land was in hock to moneylenders.Farmers who saw their crop rot after the harvest due to lack of storage facilities.

 

They found paradise in the western social welfare states where citizens where valued rather than being treated as a pack of rats and the contribution by these NRIs is now legendary.

 

Alas in India not much has changed for those at the bottom of the ladder,the every day race for resources,food,shelter.The endemic systemic corruption.

 

Yet at times we ask ourselves...'What is Right in my life?We are joyous for what we have rather than what we don't when we pass the beggar in the street,the person with physical handicap trying to board a train etc and we thank god for blessing us with vitality.Indians do a lot of charity...urorganised...on the street...that is sometimes the only social security to the beggars,lepers etc

 

Yes, We can be self-involved and self-serving, but that's not all of whom We are. Our imperfections are part of us, but they don't define me. It's not a zero sum, either-or game, which we've often assumed it is!

Jumper

 

 

 

India is in festival mode.The bazaars are full of shoppers looking for the best bargain.Lights are begining to appear on the balconies of individual houses.Yet,amidst all this I was witness to a tragic event.A person jumped under the wheels of the subway train I was riding one early autumn morning recently.

 

As the train lurched to a stop and everyone got off with a macabre sense of curiousity,all I could see was a hand and bits of mangled flesh clinging to the wheels.It took seconds for the person to dive under the wheels like a swimmer diving into the pool.A jerk,some seconds of distraught silence and a Life was over.

 

I do not know who the person was and why and after a few minutes I resumed my journey but with such a feeling of emptiness that i cannot explain.In the papers the next day was a small paragraph saying it was a 24 year old.

 

Each age,each Generation has its own rage,logic and stress.When i was in high school i remember some of my less academic classmates on failing an exam were more occupied with avoiding their parent's beating than any real preoccupation with a longer term view or a take on their entire life.

 

Having seen this incident close-up I can relate to the daily news of suicides et all that fills the pages or our TV screens.

 

What can we do to try and sensitize ourselves to those less fortunate or not mentally strong enough to carry the burden of failure.I have read the Guru's say that failure teaches you to be brave,to try new things,learn etc etc

 

How many have reached that point and been able to pull themselves back?A very Few.A very few number.If I was ever pushed to that brink what wold I do?I truly do not know.

What can we do to reach out to strangers who we feel are not having the best of times in Life?I have started with my neighbours and acquaintances and sometimes it difficult to reach out to those we barely know.

 

We used to talk in disparaging terms of life in the west with its loneliness,cold impersonability and lack of sympathy-at least the Governments of the welfare states stepped in to fill a void.yet in India the same stresses have arrived quietly unannounced and we do not have a safety net!We lack EMPATHY and we have taken this rat-race too seriously.

Reminds me of a Sudarshan Faakir ghazal...

Kisi Ranjish Ko Hawa Do Ke Mein Zinda Hoo Abhi
Mujhkoi Ahsaas Dila Do Ke Mein Zinda Hoon Abhi

Mere Rukane Se Meri Saanse Bhi Ruk Jaayegi
Fasale Aur Badha Do Ke Mein Zinda Hoon Abhi

Zehar Peene Ki Toh Aadat Thi Zamanewalo
Ab Koi Aur Dava Do Ke Mein Zinda Hoon Abhi

Chalti Raho Mein Yuhi Aankh Lagi Hai ‘Faakir’
Bheed Logo Ki Hata Do Ke Mein zinda Hoon Abhi

Offcourse it might also mean that I am growing a lot older than I look on my Facebook pics...!!

What We Live For?

"Don't have career or academic goals!!Set goals to give you a balanced,successful Life.I use the word balanced BEFORE successful.Balanced means ensuing your health,relationships,mental peace are all in good order.
There is no point in getting a promotion on the day you breakup.There is no point in driving a fancy car if your back hurts.Shopping is not enjoyable if your mind is tense.Life is one of those races in kindergarten where you run with a marble in a spoon kept in your mouth!If the marble falls there is no point in coming first!!Same is with life where health and relationships are that marble.
Your striving is only worth it if there is harmony in your life,else you may achieve success,but this spark,this feeling of being excited and alive,will start to die.
One thing about nurturing the spark -  don't take Life seriously.Life is not meant to be taken seriously,as we are really tem.porary here!Like a prepaid card with limited validity!If we are lucky we may last another 50 years.And 50 years is just 2,500 weekends.Do we really need to get so worked up?
Its OK to bunk a few classes,goof up a few interviews,take leave from work,fall in love,fight with the spouse.We are people not programmed devices...DONT BE SERIOUS...BE SINCERE!!"
- a quote from a speech by an Indian author(whose works I dont read!!)

In a nutshell,brilliantly diluted unadulterated essense on life.We dont need a Deepak Chopra to expostulate on this and the advise is absolutely free!

 

I am sure we at some point in life think exactly like its been put above but somewhere during the ratrace we are unable to hold onto this fact.We rage,fight,get into petty jealousies.......and all for what?

For years I dreamt of going to my ancestral home in Punjab,a house lying shuttered and closed for almost two decades....I see my cousins living in London,San Francisco and I know they will never know the joys of a simple Indian village ever in their lives.For them a pub in James Street is all they need to de-stress.

I,who have gone there on and off over my growing years find it difficult to give it more than a week and its only alive in what I remember of my grandmother's tales.That is also Life.....the place where you live envelopes you in its culture and its almost impossible to be a gypsy.....travel or live in  unknown places because they dont give you that joi d'vivre.

So the walk on misty winter evenings amidst the lush wheat or mustard fields,bathing in the ice cold water of the irrigation canals and riding lazy buffalo carts remains matrix like in a closed part of my mind....that I let out to air at times and it makes me feel happy.Finito.

The Ghettoisation of Islam

The World is at War.The conflict acquired a religious undertone ever since 9/11 happened,but the seeds were sown much before that during the Russian-Afghanisthan guerrilla war.Driving the infidels out was the primary reason for throwing out the Russians although the CIA did not realise that they themselves fell into that category.

I realised on my travels to the middleeast how strict the muslims were on the entry of idols into their country when mine were seized and thrown away at Riyadh airport though I have never been a seriously religious person.The realization was that Islam and its zealots have preserved the conservative teachings since the 8th Century when it emerged from the sands of Arabia.

There is an inherent contradiction in a religion that says that there is one true god and their person is the only prophet.It leaves no lacunae for accepting any other school of thought.I have not heard of any reformers who have modified or had the strength to break the codes?

Across India I see even the so called moderates keeping beards and moving into areas that have a majority of their own kind, especially after freedom they enjoy in Europe and the US their own countries are not open to  allowing equality to other religions!

There has never been a muslim 'middleclass' as such and only the dictatorships in Iraq,Libya etc tried to put on a modern face.India and Hinduism which embraced different cultures and religions over centuries is facing a difficult time trying to pacify a minority that is bent on fencing itself off and none of the Mullahs preaching tolerance.

No wonder they feel persecuted and only Islamic republics would give them satisfaction.Yet the divide within the religion between Shia,Sunni,Ahmadiyas etc and the violenent way chosen to resolve their issues viz.the riots in Sind,Karachi never truly fullfilled the idea of a Pakistan.

Maybe in India they might grouse but what about the west with its faith in human rights and fifth amendments etc,why the anger against Christianity?If an Islamic Caliphate was the answer then the attempt to convert should have been through dialogue and not by the sword.It might be controversial but I feel that Islam has not adapted to the modern world....and the mullahs are in no mood to oblige.

Is This (Shining)India?

Every day as I walk to office this old lady is the prominent sight that greets me in the morning.Is this the India shining we all talk about?Sixty years post independence and yet the same beggars on roadsides,the same drought of ideas,the lack of humaneness.How will this country move ahead-no empowerment for women,racial bias,no social security and an increasingly heartless population.

The new idealism is just "I".seen neighbours clean their driveway and dump garbage on the road regardless that some time hence it might blow right back into their own homes.Temporary solutions.Not caring who gets hurt as long as that "I" is satisfied with the results.

In Indian history too the Mughals hold pride of place and someone who drove out Humayun from India,Sher Shah Suri,is relegated to the footnotes of history despite organising the tax structure,building the pan India Grand Trunk Road as well as irrigation viaducts.It shows that Indians like a strong dictatorish personality that holds them in thrall,be it a Nehru or a Gandhi.Always dynasties have flourished-at the cost of an impartial governance structure.

Now the honourable Court decides that none can visit the core areas of tiger sanctuaries.How many of their highnesses have ever been in the field?Lain on a machan watching a tiger or leopard feeding on a kill,being bitten by mosquitoes yet steeling oneself not to scratch for fear of frightening away the predators.Yet they feel that by hiding the big cats the problem of poaching will go away.How about those living inside these places,dependent on forest produce and no other means of livelihood!

Never have I been more pessimistic than now about the ability of us Indians to be a humane,civilised people from the land of Buddha and Mahatma Gandhi,killing the flora and fauna,polluting the environment,not caring if our neighbours live or die.Truly a case for the have-nots.

An Urban Evening,birdsong and all that...

I live in a leafy suburb which though touched by urbanity still retains a few lingering vestiges of the tropical monsoon forest it once might have been,though now those are just shadows of a bygone era.

Yet,when the mauve of the setting sun turns the outsides of dark monsoon clouds into a gilded edge and one looks up at the sky to see the flock of snow white egrets flying towards their roosts or the black necked cranes gliding high in concentric circles,the common kite which patrols so high the whole day that its a mere speck,even the kite shows its impressive wingspan as it reaches towards the tops of the palm trees where the nest is.

In a tree close to me a brave mother tailor bird has raised two small chicks(the bird is about two inches in length) and they still haven't learnt to fear humans so they sit about a foot from my face!In a few minutes I have counted everything from a sparrow,shrike,wagtail,cuckoo,crows,robin,magpies,sunbird,woodpecker,dove,sparrowhawk,drongo and offcourse in summers the mango tree has two golden orioles that migrate from the Himalayan foothills....I like to think that they come to greet me and are the spirits of some of the people with whom I have trekked across the great Himalayan range!

Surprisingly,a decade ago,there was much less wildlife.Maybe there were a lot of open spaces where they could live and breed without having to come into urban settlements.There was a time when langurs would make ocassional forays into my neighbourhood.

Yet it is now that I have seen a family of mongoose in my backyard.Palm civets stealing fruits from the room,velvety irredescent purple sunbirds flitting over the flowers in my frontyard and a rush of birds that with their their myriad calls make the morning and evening nothing less than a Mahler symphony.

Is it a last hurrah????Before they get wiped out by the concrete and dust?India will be much the poorer when its bio heritage is gone and all you can show your children are pictures in the books or on Animal Planet.I am sure the WWF is doing a lot with their conferences in posh hotels across the country!!