A Dreamer's Song of Fear

We will never know if George Mallory was the first man to climb Everest.When asked just before the climb on the north east col where he disappeared for ever in 1924,why he wanted to climb Everest,his reply,"Because Its There" are not only the most famous three words spoken in mountaineering,they also illustrate why man as an animal(sic)has attained the numero uno status on the planet.

 Take this kiss upon the brow!
And, in parting from you now,
Thus much let me avow-
You are not wrong, who deem
That my days have been a dream;
Yet if hope has flown away
In a night, or in a day,
In a vision, or in none,
Is it therefore the less gone?
All that we see or seem
Is but a dream within a dream.

I stand amid the roar
Of a surf-tormented shore,
And I hold within my hand
Grains of the golden sand-
How few! yet how they creep
Through my fingers to the deep,
While I weep- while I weep!
O God! can I not grasp
Them with a tighter clasp?
O God! can I not save
One from the pitiless wave?
Is all that we see or seem
But a dream within a dream?
                                        - Edgar Allan Poe

Are we not all dreamers?some more restless than others,but restless nevertheless.We may not wander the oceans to discover continents like Columbus did or travel the continents like Ibn Batuta,or be the first woman to fly an airplane - Amelia Earhart.

Yet,there lies in all of us a certain yearning,an urge to do things that we feel are beyond our abilities,fears that are beyond our control.

How many try?I mean really try!

Most are afraid of failing,some of the shame of failing,a few of the fear of failure.Those miniscule,minute minority that truly Lives without ego become the Thor HeyerDahls who ride the Oceans with their Kon Tikis.

The true titans who we worshipped as Apollo,Athena,Artemis,Zeus....the true Greek Gods.Fear and Dreams that push us in disproportionate avenues and the half that dominates gives us our personality.

I have known true fear a few times....being chased by an enraged Elephant at Betla Wildlife Santuarty,an icy,dark night on the Kedarkantha Mountain,attack by a Himalayan Black Bear in Garwhal.First,it was  simply a relief that I had survived.Second, the fear of having felt fear,third,the question of whether I had behaved as expected.

Cette clarté sombre qui tombe des étoiles - Pierre Corneille

This dark brightness that falls from the stars

Fear is a creative urge,it makes me explore the limits of my abilities and it makes me feel alive.I cannot claim to know how you the Reader have felt or how you understand your dreams through your fears.I certainly am trying to to come to terms with mine!

And it feels like a half awakened dream where the real story lies just beyond comprehension.

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The River of Faith - Ganga

Paens have been written about the Ganges since time immemorial.Documentaries made,battle fought,kingdoms have come and gone but the River goes on.

Sitting on the frigid bank one autumnal evening at Gangotri I thought about myself.About the changes I had seen along its banks in three decades.Trekking on the Pindari Glacier at Gaumukh where the river appears out of a cave shaped like the mouth of a cow.Its so called landing place from its celestial abode.

The rushed gigantic flow through the "surajkund" at Gangotri,where it meets the first town that sprung up on its banks.Onto Rudraprayag where the Bhagirathi and Mandaki merge to form what we know as the river 'Ganges'.

On it flows to Haridwar and Rishikesh where millions of Indians and foreigners including the Steve Jobs of the world come to find spirituality.The "aarti"with lighted lamps in the evenings,the incense in the air,the thousands of voices raised in prayer.

To the confluence at prayag in Allahabad.Its amazing how different the journeys of India's 2 major rivers are-the Ganga and The Yamuna.At one point they are separated by just a couple of mountain valleys and maybe 50kms as the crow flies.But while the Yamuna loses strength and becomes a muddy ooze at Delhi,the Ganga seems to gain strength and power as it progress over the flood plains.

The sheer human vitality of the 'Kumbh"Mela,the meeting of the Ganga,Yamuna and the mysterious never seen Saraswati river can only be experienced Live.When i was 10years old had gone with my parents and we hired a boat to take us out into the middle of the river where the Saraswati was supposed to flow almost below the waters of the two other rivers.I dipped my hand in the river and felt an ice cold current when the water was blood warm.Could i really feel another river or was it my imagination?

Almost at the end of a 2000km journey the Ganga or Hooghly flows laziliy past Kolkata where the royal bengal tigers would once have come to drink its waters.Into a riverine delta it turns winding into a thousand different tributaries and islands that are large enough for human habitation.

From frigid tundra to hot tropical forests have been provided by its waters and I who have rafted on its waters,dipped to wash my sins(I hope)at Har-Ki-Pauri in Haridwar.